“You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith.”-Mary Manin Morrissey
In my case, my fear was an entire ocean…or crossing over it. Back in May when I turned 29, I started making a list of things I wanted to do before I turn 30. This week I was able to cross one of them off the list. I wanted to do a photoshoot or even just visit another country. Other than a brief, underwhelming visit to Tijiuana once, I had never been out of the US. When I booked a wedding in the UK (thanks to my lovely friend Rhi), I was so excited my dream of taking photos internationally could come to fruition. Immediately I thought about the flight though. I have never been afraid of flying much, but something about traveling over an entire ocean frightened me. Everytime I fly, leaving my family behind enters my mind. I know it’s safer than driving and I know it’s wasteful to worry, but I was truly nervous about this trip.
After months of waiting and anticipation, I started out on my journey to another country. I have always been someone who looks at life like a real-life movie. I can be described as dramatic at times for this very reason, but it’s the only way I know to live. Everything I do and everything that happens has a purpose or reason in my world. I take every experience as it comes as if it’s a lesson or has some deeper meaning.
This experience has been big for me. I work a lot, stress the LOT and I do it because I have to. To ensure the survival of my family. I don’t like to complain because I know I am blessed to be able to work. However, most days are so busy, I don’t get to think for myself. Things go so fast that I am always adapting and adjusting and catching up.
For the last week, I have reflected. I have pondered. I have taken a life and self evaluation…again. I have been excited, proud and honest…taking this experience as proof that not being afraid is the most important principle when striving to obtain a dream.
When life happens, we react as quickly as we can. Sometimes we make good decisions, other times we make the best decisions we can with what we are given and sometimes we just make decisions that end up being the wrong ones. But we learn. I feel like I will be returning home with more of advantage in making those choices. Once again I have learned things about myself. Once again I have turned the page to a new chapter.
To some, this trip would be just another trip. To some it would be just another job. To me it has been enlightening, refreshing and necessary. I understand why we work, but now I understand more why we need the break. This has been my first real vacation in years and I am so blessed to have had it.
I shot a wedding, tried British fish and chips, British chocolate, British reality TV, succeeded in getting Zoe to let me scratch her tummy, got to talk to Rhi without having to figure out the time difference and hang up and answer again after an hour, sampled Dan’s home cooking, braved the cold London air for a wonderful day with Rhys and had some of the best long-distance calls with Jonathan.
All of these experiences inspired me and opened my eyes to a lovely perspective. I know every day is not a movie and that everything in life is not photoshopped to perfection but this trip was just that for me, like out of a movie.
I have so many photos and experiences to share, but for now I’m just showing some self portraits, my first photos with Rhi in over 3 years of friendship, some peaks of Ellie and Nat’s wedding and some video clips of my first few days here.
Tomorrow I’ll be leaving to return home. I will not only be taking with me the gifts for the kids and photos to remember it all by, but I will also be taking a greater appreciation for my life and those who share it with me.
I owe a lot to this country across the ocean.
I came across this leaf while on my walk with Rhi and Zoe… I immediately thought of Jonathan and remembered we have been married a month now. This trip was our first time apart since our wedding.
Ellie and Nat: a lovely couple.
More fun with my flipcam…not the best quality, but it’s great for documenting things in ways photos can’t.
I’ll be back this weekend from the comfort of my own home…